Sex, Death & Roses | A Maiden Heals Her Broken Heart
Written by Rachel Rossitto
There comes a time in a woman’s life when her heart breaks.
Perhaps she gave the deepest part of herself to another person and it was not reciprocated or held with care. Or perhaps it was held with care to the best of that person’s ability, but we’re human and we all make mistakes. The truth is, we are tender, vulnerable and fragile beings. We never learned how to properly love and navigate the complexities of the heart.
The puncture of a thorn is deep, and can be long lasting.
Once we’ve been hurt we can shut down, numb from the pain, put up a facade, blame others, self-punish, make vows to never really open to anyone again and ultimately push love away. In doing this we sever the connection to all forms of love - most importantly the well of love that flows from within. If we don’t tend to this, the nectar of your heart will eventually dry up.
Being shattered in love can be the greatest blessing, if we choose.
Once you have been broken, you can either remain that way or pick up the pieces and create something even more beautiful. We can choose to either be broken down or broken open. The best art comes from stories of lost love. These experiences of inner annihilation make us humble, wise, compassionate and dynamic human beings. They can fire up our passion for life and strengthen our curiosity for knowing the great Mystery.
We remember that underneath the pain and fragility, there is unwavering, unbreakable, unconditional love - the true essence of who we are.
Are you curious to traverse the mystical caverns of your heart and touch your deepest wound to see what it has to show you? It’s a journey for the brave - and for me, one worth taking.
Sex
Sex bonds us. When we exchange fluids, emotional intimacy and offer our raw wild love to another, it’s deep. Very deep. As a woman, when we make love we open ourselves and invite that person to penetrate not only our bodies, but our whole beings. It’s vital in restoring the full integrity and health of your heart to fully release that person from your innermost sanctum.
To heal, we must become experts in letting go.
A few simple suggestions:
Hold clear and firm boundaries around how you relate to this person. Are you still speaking? Seeing each other? Having sex? Are you still interwoven physically? Emotionally? Energetically? Where do you end, and they begin? What would be an honorable distance between you?
Be gentle with yourself as you allow for at least three menstrual cycles to pass since the last time you were intimate. Each time you bleed, visualize the energy of that person leaving your body. Say, “Thank you, I release you now.” Offer your moon blood to the earth as a symbol of you offering the old residue from the relationship to be disposed and composed.
When that person enters your mind, instead of getting caught up in memories, practice “neutral separations.” Name 5 ways in which you two are different, “I have brown hair, they have blonde hair… etc” and as you do this see the invisible threads of energy between you dissolve. Wrap each of you in two separate golden orbs and float away in opposite directions. If you wish, you can say “With love, I release you, and bless you on your journey.”
Death
One of the most important things we can learn in life is how to die well. As a woman, we are so blessed to have a monthly cycle where we practice dying. Our body gives us little choice but to slow down, reflect on our mortality and give a part of ourselves to the earth, knowing that one day when we die, we’ll give it all. To die is to surrender. To die is to trust in the knowing that there’s something Greater holding the full cycle of life, death and rebirth.
Going through a death cycle can be extremely uncomfortable. Especially when we resist it. If we have the wisdom to accept what’s happening and fully surrender to the process, it can soften the intensity. It will require your deepest trust.
When going through heartbreak, we must accept that a part of us is dying.
When you let a person deep inside of you, a part of them becomes you. When you decide to separate, there’s a grieving process that happens to release them out of your folds.
Of course there are some aspects to keep, but let it be the chosen ones. Store the diamonds, the rubies and emeralds of the love you shared. File the lessons, the learnings and the sweet memories in your treasure box. Cherish the growth and gifts of the relationship. Appreciate the way they shaped you and carved the secret rooms of your inner temple.
Become clear in yourself what you wish to keep and what you wish to discard. If we don’t consciously discern between the two, we might keep the junk, and lose the treasures.
Allow this dissolution to happen. Invite it. Encourage it.
You may wish to journal on these questions:
What parts of me need to die?
What are the gifts I will keep?
What are the biggest lessons I’ve learned from this love dance?
What will I do differently next time around?
How have I grown through this experience?
