How To Be Your Own Best Lover
Written by Rachel Rossitto
The Sacred Art of Self-Love
Let's talk about matters of the heart, my dear.
It's Valentine's Day, and unless you have a dreamy sweetheart showering you with love and gifts, it can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings.
Perhaps you're reminded of a past relationship with a messy breakup that left you heartbroken, from which you're still healing. Maybe you're comparing yourself to your friends who are coupled up and being all cute praising each other on social media. It's possible that your mind has wandered to self-judgement around being "not enough" or even "too much," giving reason to why you're still single or unsatisfied in your current relationship.
Or maybe you simply feel lonely. This is all very natural and to be expected.
Firstly, you are not alone. Ever.
There is a big difference between loneliness and aloneness. One has lack wrapped in it, and the other enchants us with the beauty and gift of being with ourselves.
Secondly, there is a secret key in all this. And that key lies inside of you.
The secret we are rarely told (and believe), is that we are our own best company. We are our own best medicine, and all the love in the Universe we seek in others, is actually closer to us and more available and intimate than our own breath. But we forget. We seek attention, validation and love from others hoping it will fill the void. But the only thing the void truly seeks, is you.
Just you. Your attention. Your care. Your love. That's it. It is actually that simple.
Have you ever romanced yourself? Have you ever had a solo date night?
You may be rolling your eyes… and I get it.
You haven't yet tasted the sweet, honey, nectar goodness of this kind of experience.
It's hard to make the time when we're always putting ourselves last. Especially mothers. Self-sacrifice is the norm. Work, family, home – all these aspects of life take priority, and we leave the most sacred relationship we'll ever have to the end – offering it less than crumbs.
Are you ready for a new kind of love?
Instead of closing your heart and quietly retreating this Valentine’s Day, I invite you instead to lean in and be your own best lover.
3 Ways To Be Your Own Best Lover
1. Slow it down
Life moves really fast. We constantly fill our calendars and to-do lists with activities. Even sex these days is rushed and goal-oriented. When was the last time you consciously created spaciousness in your day to simply be? The sweetness of life happens when we aren’t overplanned. True satisfaction has a way of greeting us most in the small moments and the simple spaces between. How can you move slower and savor more? Take your time to eat that peach. Let the juices drip down your hands. Can you taste it with your full palate? Can you breathe deeply at the same time, while licking your soft lips?
2. Lay down your armor and soften
We all have layers of armor, doing our best to protect our most tender parts. Sometimes this armor serves a purpose, but most of the time it’s just keeping love out, preventing love from getting in. We cut off our own access to loving and being loved. The older we get the harder it can be to lay down these shields, and we may die never fully shining our hearts. Where in your body can you soften? What helps you to soften and open? A warm bath? Your favorite tea? Watching a funny movie? Like the rose, we have thorns and blossoms. Can you tell the difference between a healthy boundary and trauma related defensive armor? Can you tell the difference between a generous open heart and people-pleasing?
3. Listen
So often we look outside of ourselves for answers. Although there is valuable wisdom all around us, one of the greatest skills we can learn is how to listen to our own inner voice. This quiet intuition gets overlooked because there’s so much noise and busyness in our routine. We fill our days with consumption; listening to music, talking to people, watching the news, reading something, writing something, tuning into a podcast, etc. This keeps our minds very active. Yet when we take a little time to be with ourselves in silence, we can feel our true feelings and become more intimate with our soul.
Take a moment this week to listen to your own heart, as if you wish your lover would do. Hanging on to every word, every expression, with full love and presence. Cultivate the art of listening.
These ritual photos here were taken by a dear sister Louise Lodigensky from In Praise of Her. She captured my own expression of being my own lover as I lit candles, tended to my altar, meditated and brought slow living and the beauty way forward. It was such a gift to be witnessed by her in this way.
:: Rachel’s Adorments ::
If you wish to go deeper, this Valentine's Day you are invited to "BE Mine YOURS," a 5-Day special Valentine's Day mini course to cultivate your own inner lover.
Learn More: www.rachelrossitto.com/beyours
For 5 days you will receive love letters from yours truly with juicy love rituals to practice the Art of Sacred Self-Love. I will be your valentine, as you become your own valentine.
This is for a woman who:
Always puts others before herself
Struggles to feel worthy, truly seen and loved by others
Is healing from heartbreak and needs a soothing salve
Has given up on love and closed her heart
Wishes to feel connected to her innermost self
Desires to truly have a fulfilling, nourishing sexy weekend
Longs to initiate with the Medicine of the Rose
Wishes to learn beauty and self-care rituals for the heart
Is ready to become the lover she has always been waiting for
